Little note before you read: I wrote this post 4 months ago, and I just let it sit in my drafts because I was worried about what people would think of the way I was acting. But you know what, my blog is my space to share my thoughts, and hopefully reach out to someone else who is on the same boat, and let them know, they are not alone.
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Let me start off by saying, I love my husband. He’s seriously the best. He’s the most hardworking, funniest, and patient man I know and I’m so blessed to have him in my life.
With that being said, After I gave birth to my third child I hated my husband and I couldn’t stand anything about him. The first two weeks were great, I was literally on cloud 9. “I am a mother to three boys, I had a wonderful pregnancy, a wonderful delivery at home, breastfeeding is going great, my skin is now flawless, everything is perfect!” But out of nowhere, extreme rage built up inside of me. Everything my husband did, I couldn’t stand. The way he walked made me mad. The way he chewed his food, grossed me out. The way he changed diapers, wasn’t good enough. He was such an awesome help with the kids, but my own selfishness blinded me to it.
I would be up in the middle of the night, nursing the baby, and I’d literally be sitting there staring at him, watching him sleep, thinking to myself “Look at him, sleeping so peacefully, not a care in the world, while I wake up 5 times a night and care for the other two during the day”. Now I was exclusively breastfeeding, so there was no need for him to be up with me, but in my mad stubborn head, he should’ve been up with me.
For the first time in ever, my husband and I were with each other 24/7. He was on paternity leave for a little over 4 weeks, so we were just home with each other all the time. Things that I normally do by myself, like dishes, run errands, cook, take care of the kids, clean the house, those were all things I physically could not do (I was still healing). And he stepped up and did it for me. I felt like I should’ve been “super mom”. I felt like I should’ve been able to do it all, but I couldn’t. And it killed me. So while he’s doing these things around the house for me, I was resenting him, more and more. My hormones were already all over the place, between being pregnant, not being pregnant, breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, and just anxiety, I LITERALLY was not in my right mind. Being around kids under age 5, and just my husband all day long, I had no one to vent my frustration to, so I took it out on my husband.
Quick story: One time, he took initiative and started to do laundry(We had a pile about as high as my 4 year old). and instead of being gracious and saying thank you, I said “If you’re going to start washing clothes, don’t leave me with a pile to fold, because I’m not doing it”. That rude comment I said, turned into world war 4. I mean, I literally blew up on him. I was yelling, screaming and going ballistic on him. To this day, that was our worst argument EVER. and I believe that was the argument of all arguments, the one to open my eyes to the way I was acting with him. While my eyes were still red and teary, I Google searched “why do I hate my husband after having a baby”, I read so many stories of other women going through the same thing I was going through, feeling the same way I felt, and just inadequate. It was then that I realized, how I as acting was not uncommon, but it was definitely not okay.
It was then that I realized, how I as acting was not uncommon, but it was definitely not okay.
I knew I loved him, like come ‘on this is my best friend, the amazing father to my three kids, but I mentally couldn’t get out of this rut.
After he went back to work, I was by myself with all three kids during the day and preschool was back in session. So I had to be that super mom that I wanted to be so bad. Pack lunches, do the dishes, wash the clothes, pick up/drop off my son at school, room mom activities, grocery shop, etc. And that’s when I needed him the most. I humbled myself and knew that It’s okay to need help, its okay to not do it all, its okay to need my husband for “wifey duties”, it’s okay to not live up to your own expectations. IT’S OKAY!
I’m a firm believer in the quote “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Even though, we were right next to each other physically, this rough patch we were in, slowly separated us emotionally. But once I started to recognize my faults, humble myself, and just think before I said things, we bounced back. and I’m not kidding, our marriage is the best now, it has ever been before. He loved me when I was at my ugliest, nastiest, and coldest. Through my little epiphany, and a 12 week Wednesday night marriage class at my church, we over came. I overcame “post-baby-hate-my-husband-disorder”
He loved me when I was at my ugliest, nastiest, and coldest.
- So if you’re reading this because you currently hate your husband, and you just had a baby. What you’re feeling is normal according to Google, and several moms that I’ve reached out to. But you have to recognize your own faults, and own up to it. You have to stop living in denial. Apologize, ask for forgiveness. and just try to make it work. If you have to,
- Record yourself when you’re having a temper tantrum, and listen to yourself when you’re calm. I promise you, you’ll be so embarrassed.
- What works for me as well, is when I really felt some type a way about something Renaldo did, I’d write it out and tell myself to give it to him in the morning after I’ve read it over. 99.9% of the time, I cringe at what I wrote and never give it to him.
- and lastly, If you can, go get help. Talk to your Doctor, another mom/friend about the way you’re feeling. And Pray, pray for God to help you get through this. Just remember it takes a village.
- If you’re reading this because you’re nosey and wonder why I hated my husband, I don’t hate him. I never have. He’s seriously the best. He stayed with me through all this, and still thinks I’m the most beautiful, funny, and loving woman around. To this day, he does ALLL the cooking (I’ll brag about this everyday lol), every now and then I’ll make a guest appearance in the kitchen, but he’s now taken that chore off my platter, so I could live a more stress free life. Again, He’s the best.