How I weaned my toddler from breastfeeding, and how I’m coping

Crying SO much as I type this, but I have officially weaned my 4th and final baby from breastfeeding. For the last 5 years of my life I have been consistently breastfeeding a baby. I nursed Elias until he was 15 months, and a couple months later Joel was born. I then breastfed him until he was 16/17 months old, and a few months later, Laila was born. And with Laila I had my tubes removed, so we knew she would be the last one. Because we knew she was the last one, I savored every single first and last with her.

But with extended breastfeeding came lots of “troubles” for lack of better words. I endured mastitis TWICE, and if you’ve had mastitis, you know once is more than enough. She didn’t just nurse in the morning or at night, like a “normal” toddler, she nursed morning, lunch, night and for snack 1, snack 2, and snack 3. She nursed for any minor inconvenience, or any type of emotion. And in Laila’a defense, I enabled her, and almost promoted it. She would cry, I’d whip my boob out. She’s be sleepy, I’d whip my boob out. I needed a break, I’d hide away in her room and nurse her. Nursing her was almost a reflex, as is breathing. But with all this emotional and comfort nursing, It came with consequences. On every single vacation we went to in the last 2 years ( West palm beach x4 times, A freaking 9 day cruise, and an all inclusive to Jamaica)I was never able to fully enjoy myself, I couldn’t have more than 1 drink at dinner, because I knew I’d have to nurse her to sleep. I couldn’t have a morning mimosa because I knew she’d want to nurse for lunch. I Couldn’t utilize daycare on these vacations, to  have alone time with my husband because I knew she’d want to nurse and give the workers a hard time. I’d have to step away or go back up to my room because she wanted to nurse. When we went on a couples trip to New York City for my birthday, we had to bring Laila along (as much fun as she had, and we loved bringing her-we really wanted it to just be us). But to be clear, I was 100% OK with having to nurse her, and make these sacrifices because it was something that was special to us, and I enjoyed being able to provide milk and comfort for her. But for the last 5+ years of my life, this was just my norm. I’m either breastfeeding, or pregnant, OR BOTH!

So I had a long talk with my self (lol) and decided on or before her 2nd birthday, I’d wean her. I felt peace about it, and knew it would be time. Laila girl is basically potty trained, and talking, so no more “baba”. Well I shared on Instagram that we’re still breastfeeding, and I’m open to any tips on weaning. A few of my followers shared some tips, while others shared that they’re on the same boat and to help them out if I find out what works- reason behind this post lol.

Her first nap WITHOUT nursing. SO emotional. 

So originally the plan was: 

Mine and renaldo’s anniversary is on September 21st, and Laila’s 2nd birthday is September 26th. So for our anniversary, we would get a room at some local resort, JUST US TWO, and leave Laila (along with the boys) behind with grandma. We would wean her cold turkey, by me simply not being around. Because when Laila is with Renaldo and her brothers (with me not there) for 6+ hours, she’s fine. The second she sees me, she starts crying for baba. So in my head, we could just leave her with grandma for the weekend, Friday – Sunday, and she may just learn to cope without me. Night-time might be a struggle because I still nurse her to sleep. But she’ll eventually get the hang of it, and fall asleep.

But then a friend suggested THS….

A dear friend of mine was like “what worked for me and my son was putting bandaids on my nipples”. So out of fun, and curiosity I put the big ole patch bandaid on each nipple. And then when I sat down in “my office” its really my dining room table lol, but I sat down and she did her norm. Run over to vulnerable me, put her arms up, say “up” and then proceed to pull my shirt up so she can nurse. But when she pulled my shirt up, she was alarmed at the bandaids on me. She was genuinely concerned if I was hurt. So I told her “mommy’s baba is hurt. No more baba”. And she kept saying “mommy baba hurt?”. Then she hopped off my lap, and continued on with her morning.

I thought, okay, she’ll come back. She never did. But the real test was nap time. When she naps, she only falls asleep if she’s breastfeeding. So when nap time rolled around, I had low expectations. I knew she would ask for it, and I’d rip the bandages off and give it to her. But instead she pulled my shirt up, asked me again “mommy baba hurt?”, I told her “yes, ouch”. And she pulled my shirt back down, laid her head on my chest and fell asleep.

Now for my emotions: 

At that moment, I knew we were done. She has been done, she just needed me to enforce it. I cried for about half of her nap because I felt so many emotions. Did I rush her? Were we really ready? Was I the one who was never ready? This is my last baby, and now we’re done. I will never breastfeed another baby again. Our kids are the youngest they will ever be.

I had an eye opening moment, that I realized the hardest moments in motherhood are only a fraction of our time as a parent, half of that in our lifetime. What may feel like such an inconvenience is NOTHING. What may feel like the hardest stage of parenthood, will be over in the blink of an eye, until the next difficult stage. Never take any moments for granted. Now that she’s done nursing, I feel guilty for all those times I didn’t feel like nursing. Or I’d get so frustrated with her because she wanted to nurse from my left side ONE.MORE.TIME before dozing off to sleep. Or when she’d twiddle my opposite nipple-it would annoy me so much, but it was her comfort.

But I remember, I need to give myself grace for all those emotions. because at the end of the day, we did it. We nursed for over 22 months. Thats 10 months longer than my goal. Thats 6 months longer than Joel. That’s 7 months longer than Elias. And 21 months longer than RJ. My body did an incredible thing for Laila, and although this particular stage and bonding moment in our life is over, a new door for the both of us is now open.

I’m excited to see her grow more independent, and I’m excited to not have as many restrictions. But I will never forget this special time in my life with each child. And I’m forever grateful for what I was able to do for each child, even though I only breastfed RJ for 6 weeks, hey #FedIsBest👏🏽

Back to weaning and how to do it: 

Now that I’m done crying for the 100th time in the last 2 days, I can finish off talking about weaning. so the bandaids worked, she hasn’t asked for it once. When bedtime rolls around, my husband now rocks her to sleep instead of me. And for the last few nights, he’s been able to put her down in under 10 minutes and she sleeps ALL NIGHT. When I’d nurse her to sleep, she’d take 30-45 minutes, sometimes over an hour to fall asleep, and she would wake up at like 7am to nurse. She now goes to sleep at 8:30, and sleeps until 8:30 without crying at all. I feel like, well I know that weaning was the right move for us at this time. She’s doing amazing and drinking almond and cow milk in the mornings and with dinner so I know she’s getting her dairy.

If you are looking to wean, I feel like this method is extremely effective, as long as you are weaning a toddler who actually understand the concept of a bandaid!

If you try this method and it works, send me a DM on instagram! Or if you have any questions about it, still send me a DM 🙂

Here is a little “poem” I wrote on all the stages of breastfeeding a toddler

First day: this is magical. I wonder when my milk will come in? 

Day 3: my milk is in!!! Dang, this is what it feels like to have breast implants? These are nice! 

Day 4-day 21: this hurts!!! Omg, my nipples feel like they’re falling off. I don’t think I can do this. 

Month 2-month 6: this is great. We found our groove. Our own little schedule. My milk is just enough, my baby is growing, I love it! I did get mastitis but we over came that 💪🏽 

Month 7: OKAY, if this baby bites me with those sharp new teeth one more time, I’m done! 

Month 8: phew, we’re doing great again. Just going to soak up these last 4 months of breastfeeding 

1 year: I know I said we’d stop at one year, but we’re not stopping yet. We’re just going to stop when she’s fully ready to stop. 

18 months: I can’t deal with the acrobatic moves she’s trying to do while nursing, and now she’s cutting molars. We’re weaning!! *still doesn’t wean*

22 months: let me just see if putting bandaids on my nipples will make her stop nursing. OMG it worked!!! Hallelujah! But why am I so sad? Did I force it on her too soon? But she’s ready, we’re both ready! this marks the end of a long, and beautiful journey. I’m so thankful for this time and being able to give to her. 

Thank you so much for reading all 1758 words of this. I wrote it directly from my heart and If you’re reading this because you just weaned or are thinking about it, you can feel my emotions in every word. And no matter when you stop, of if you don’t, just know that YOU are doing an amazing job, and you know what’s best for your baby and for you!