What us young moms wish everyone knew

18 and pregnant, 20 and pregnant. We all know someone who got pregnant sooner than the rest. You may have judged that girl. You may have questioned how she’d ever survive. NEWS FLASH! Having a baby before society says you should have a baby IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. When I got pregnant at 19 years old, as unfortunate as it is to say, I dealt with SO much criticism, the disrespectful stares, the ridiculous “how are you going to do it?” questions. I dealt with it from strangers, “friends”, and the worse, CLOSE family. People who are the closest to you will hurt you the most. This is a situation that I put up with for my entire pregnancy with my oldest, it made me shameful. Feelings I should’ve had, like excitement and joy, I didn’t have because a large portion of the people around me acted as if my baby was the end of the world for me. Why? Because I had a baby before the norm? I was an adult. I had a full time job. I was also in college. What was the problem? Oh yeah, society dictates what’s best for you. SMH

I’m very thankful for my mom who supported me through it all, and showed nothing but love and support. Not once did she shame me. I had to throw this in here because I know she’ll read this and be upset if I didn’t make it known lol.

Through the years following RJ’s birth, I never really touched based on those emotions. I chose to forgive the people who hurt me, because I kind of understood where there feelings were coming from. It wasn’t until I witnessed the same shaming, the same “OMG so and so is pregnant, it’s the end of the world, now lets make her feel sorry” that I realized this selfish behavior has to stop. It has to! No women should ever feel ashamed about growing a life, especially when you’re an adult. I understand there are some circumstances that a person has no business getting pregnant (on drugs, homeless, tricking around, etc) but I’m speaking on behalf of the level headed, stable, goal oriented women out there. With my first hand experience on this matter, I feel like I need to use my little platform to share ways how YOU–whether you’re the sibling, mother, in-law, friend, co-worker, of a soon to be young mom, can support her. I don’t mean financially, but I mean emotionally. And what I wish you really knew.

What we wish you knew:

1. Just because I’m x years old, doesn’t mean I’m an irresponsible idiot: So don’t treat me like it.
2. I didn’t have moral-less parents: my mom did an amazing job raising me. She poured nothing but love into me, and in return I graduated with a 3.4 GPA, and immediately started college after high school. My choices that I made are 100% me. There is nothing she could’ve done to prevent it. So with that being said, my husband (3 year boyfriend at the time of conception) made a choice that we made plenty of times, but this time it resulted in a baby.
3. Age doesn’t make you a good mom or bad mom: I’ve seen 36 year old emotionally absent parents, and 20 year old present/ in the moment parents, and vice versa. So please don’t worry about me and my children.
4. My life is not over: it’s just begun. When I got pregnant with RJ, I found my purpose. I found comfort and joy in writing, and my blog was born shortly after. My husband had the drive and push to hustle at work and now he’s killing it in his career in the banking industry managing multiple clients (it isn’t a job 20 something year olds typically have). Kids will bring out parts of you, you never knew existed. A different type of motivation. We always strived for more, and I thank my first born 100% for the life we now have.

How to support a soon to be young mama:

First off, I need to define young mom. To me, its over the age of 18. If you have a teen in your life that’s pregnant, this information can help as well, but i’m speaking from experience as a once 19 year old first time mom. So a young mom is between the ages of 18-22. I feel like 23 and up is a “socially acceptable” age to have your first baby. So with all that being said, here are ways you can support a young mama.

1. Don’t cry about it in front of her: I get that it can be a shock. It may not have been the plan you had for them. But crying in front of her, will only make her feel bad about it all. She’s going through a lot herself. Her body is literally not the same, nor will it ever be. Her hormones are all out of wack and what she needs is someone there for her.
2. Don’t gossip about it to other friends and family: if she confided in you to share this news, don’t let the news spread until she’s ready to share it. This happened to me, the news of my pregnancy was shared to everyone like the next juicy gossip. I never even had a chance to share it the way I wanted to. And the way it was shared was in a negative way.
3. Stop the cultural stigmas: I get it! In your country, when you were a little girl, it was frowned upon to have a baby before marriage because of your religion. Even though this is something I still believe in (somewhat, because ya know, RJ happened before marriage) you have to understand that it’s not the 1960s anymore, you can’t be upset with this unwed pregnant girl, and now she’s shunned from the family. It’s twenty freaking nineteen people! People are having babies before marriage in there early 20s and late 30s. It’s happening, and it’s something you kind of have to accept, especially if a “single” female in your family is pregnant. So don’t disassociate yourself with her, or feel ashamed to bring up her pregnancy to other people.
4. Just be there for her: you don’t have to give a single dime but just be there for her. Instead of saying “dang, what are you going to do?” Say “babies are blessings! What can I do to support you?” Reassure her that she’s going to be an awesome mom! If you have access/knowledge to resources that may help her out (Medicaid, WIC, daycare help for students/working parents, etc) then guide her in that direction.

I hope within this post you were able to better understand what young moms are going through, and be able to be there for her emotionally. Pregnant women in general are going through so much, and having a strong support system around her and baby is so important.

Thank you so much for reading!