Eliminating toxic people from your life

Really hesitant about posting this but who knows who will read this, and who it may touch.

Do you have a friendship that’s no good, or a relationship with someone that’s more like frenemies?! Is there someone who continuously robs your happiness? I urge you for the sake of your inner peace and joy to remove yourself from their lives.

As easy as it is to just say “no one can control my moods”, it’s a lot harder to live by that than you think. If you truly don’t let anything or anyone get to you, I applaud you! As much as I wish I could say “I will not let anyone dictate my emotions”, I can’t. I’m human and I feel things, and unfortunately my feelings ARE affected by other people.

I can’t offer you a “how to” list on how to remove toxic people from your life, because it’s hard and I’m still figuring it out. But I can tell you a little story…..

Quick story: There is someone that I’ve known for the past 3ish years, when every time I talk to her, it’s like she thinks it’s a competition. I say something, she has something better to say back to me. When I share a happy moment, she has something negative to say. I share a milestone in my child’s life, their child did it first. Every time our conversations would end, I’d have a weird feeling inside, I felt anxious and emotionally exhausted. When I shared this feeling with my husband, he told me “that’s a frenemy, that’s not a real friend. That person is envious of you and you need to remove that person from your day to day life. It doesn’t mean you can’t say hi, but you don’t HAVE to engage with her!”. And after he told me that It was like a light bulb just turned on and all the puzzle pieces connected.

When someone is envious of you, or they lack in a certain area in their life (whether it’s their home, car, relationships, marriage, career, looks, money or just happiness) and they’re unhappy with themselves or self conscious about it, they will try to make you feel less about yourself, or try to one up you to make themselves feel better about their short comings. They will try to rob you from your own happiness.

Thankfully I’m in a situation to where I barely run into this person, and I’m not the type to NOT say “hi”, I’m really nice ? but I’ve definitely stepped back, and you know what, I’m happy. Whenever I do have run-ins with this person, I don’t walk away feeling upset or annoyed like I use to. I feel peace again.

After I had the courage to step back from this toxic relationship, it’s opened up my eyes to so many other people as well. It’s sad, but some people will only talk to you when they need you, or when they can benefit from you. I try to be the best version of myself at all times, because I never want to be known as a gossiper, or a Debbie Downer. I always want to be someone that reflects Christ, and is that positive person during a negative situation. So removing certain people from my life, that bring out the ugly in me, has brought me internal peace. When you remove toxic people from your life, and surround yourself with true, authentic, kind, pure people, your quality of life changes. YOU become who YOU surround yourself with. So choose your people wisely.

So like I said before, if you have someone in your life that make you feel any less than you are or deserve to feel, do yourself a favor and step back. If you can’t commit to stepping back, maybe go part time in the relationship lol.

Thanks for reading my little heart to heart ❤️

38 thoughts on “Eliminating toxic people from your life”

  • This is so true! I had a friend like that too – I always called it one-upping… because whatever happened in my life… something similar but better had always already happened in hers. Eventually (about a year and a half ago) I did what you did and backed away and it’s so true .. you just feel happier!

    • I love that name for it! “One-upping” because that’s exactly what it is. Remember the song “anything you can do, I can do better”? That’s what my “friendship” with her reminds me of lol!
      Thank you for reading!

    • same here, and you know what…the relationship should NEVER be forced. If you have to make it work, you know its no good!
      Thank you for reading!

  • Literally going on with this in my life right. It’s so hard, because our husbands are friends and she doesn’t like my husband.. but tries to be nice to me.. Then everything is a competition or jealousy and turns sour. Time to eliminate!

    • That must be hard to deal with, but just for the sake of your own happiness, it probably is best to eliminate! Thank you for reading!!

  • this is an awesome post! I pinned it too because I want to go back and refer to it again and again! Toxic people rob so much joy from your life!

  • I came across this at the most perfect time! It’s so hard not to let the negativity get the best of my emotions… but I know how good it feels to shake off the stress and focus on what’s really important! Those negative people have nothing better to do than thinking of ways to ruin your mood.

  • I totally agree with this 100%! I don’t think I have anyone in my life like this but I’ve definitely had to re-evaluate friendships and one thing I’ve learned is to manage my expectations. Because I do have friends in my life that I love but can be exhausting if you overthink or expect more from them. It might sound kind of harsh but now that I know what I’m getting into when I hang out with them or ask something of them, I know where the expectations are and don’t get disappointed or upset when things don’t go how I might have wanted. It actually makes my life so much easier and painless. And also, it’s kind of like you said, I’ve kept some of these people at a slight distance to be able to do this but not cut out of my life. Because I’ve also noticed it’s waaay harder to manage my expectations with people closer in my life like a family member. Because you just expect more from them when you’re closer. So it’s always a balance.

  • YES TO THIS! After I had my kids I realized how toxic a lot of my relationships with certain “friends” were, and I disengaged from them. I am definitley happier having fewer, quality friendships, rather than more, that were emotionally draining and toxic!

  • Love this post! This can be so true and it’s so refreshing to take a step back and not have that horrible feeling in your stomach.

  • I’ve felt this way a lot lately over a friendship and I just can’t do it anymore. I just can’t fake it. It’s so hard to be friends with someone like that! I’ve had to slowly eliminate this person from my life.

    • Debbie Downers, and One Uppers are just the worse, that’s why we gotta cut em’ off, and not look back!
      Thank you for reading!!

  • It’s like… the older I get, the less shit I’ve got time for. I completely agree with you- nobody needs frenemies, or the toxic influences of others. My husband and I have both had this issue ourselves, only with immediate family members, and I’m so over it. We have zero contact with his side and very limited contact with many of mine, choosing to invest and build with those that are loyal, supportive and genuinely loving.

    • I love that you said that because although I was talking about friendships, this post is meant for ANY toxic relationship including family. Often times family members are the one who will hurt you the most!
      Thank you for sharing!

  • That quote at the beginning is so true. I left all of the people that was doing me no good in 2017. Great read!

  • I just posted a Friendship post sort of like this the other day. Doesn’t it feel great to just make up your mind that you’re done??? LET’S BE FRIENDS!!

  • I’m so glad that I read this! I’m in exactly the same situation right now and I’ve been struggling with how to move forward. It’s hard to let go of people you once considered friends, but you’re so right: If they are robbing you of your happiness, it’s time to remove them from your life!

    • Yep so true! Everyone deserves to be happy, and living their best life! While it is so hard to let go, you just know when it’s time!

Leave a Reply